Lord, I don't want to waste my energy rebelling against You like an immature brat anymore. Jesus, I choose You and not the world or my flesh. I feel tired because I'm still struggling between pleasing people and pleasing You. Jesus I'm letting go, I am going to run after You!
I flipped through my devotional journal the other day, and one part grabbed my attention:
"I must RUN in the opposite direction I'm going right now, or I will end up worse, with more spiritual strongholds in my life by the end of this year. I will not just deal with my anger issue, I will FLEE from it, I will not just try and barely keep up with devotion, I will THROW myself into His presence and ROOT myself in His Word, I will not just struggle to love my family, I will POUR down God's love lavishly on the people around me. In this walk with Christ, you either climb up or slide down. I will RUN to You Jesus! Father please help me!!" (journal entry on 7/9/2007)
Oh Jesus, I know that I cannot force myself to live a life of holiness, but it is the attitude of pursuing holiness that matters; only You can turn my sinful life around.
Today I did devotion whenever I got the chance to; in the morning, after eating, and when my roommate isn't here. Lord, I realized how important waiting upon You, spending quiet time before You is. It felt so wonderful to kneel down before the Lord of all lords and to surrender my weary spirit to You.
Jesus, I've been feeling depressed because of how "fat" I am. I constantly look in the mirror and complain. I took two hours changing to see what clothes I should wear tomorrow; none of them fit, I was too "fat". Lord, help me to move beyond this barrier. I've been considering starving myself to become skinny, but I know that will only lead to sin and destruction. God, I don't want to waste anymore time worrying about such shallow matters! Jesus help me.
Lord, every time I feel empty I would try different things to fill that void: going online, reading a book, or stuffing myself with food. But in the end only one thing has ever satisfied: coming before You and reaching out my arms to my loving Savior. Oh Jesus, my joy and delight, thank You for Your love, mercy, grace, and salvation! God open my eyes! I want to see Your beauty, to be fascinated by Your glory, to be blown away by Your presence!
Jesus, thank You for bringing me back every time I'm on the brink of falling. Lord I am forever Yours! Hallelujah to our God who reigns heaven and earth!
